The Blood Shed by K-Fleet

Humor: 2
Blood: 3
Nudity: none
Minutes FF’ed thru: none
Overall rating: 2

Here we meet the Bullion family: Beefteena, Butternut, Hubcap, Papa (Elvis), cousin Sno Cakes, and Gramma. The Blood Shed follows a very familiar formula: inbred, backwoods folk who have cannibalistic tendencies.

Andy Shiffner, a local townsboy, enjoys heckling and demeaning Beefteena, but on this particular day, she's not having it, and calls in reinforcements. So, Andy gets torn in half during a Bullion Brother's game of tug-of-war. His body is then taken to the (blood) shed, where we see a reporter who's been caged up for snooping around the premise. Beefteena gains a liking for the sheriff, who comes looking for Andy, and after getting hit over the head by Papa, is tied to a pole and prepped to wed Beefteena. In order to quieten the resistance, Butternut takes a pair of channel locks, called the Stud Buster, and smashes one of the sheriff's nuts.

Beefteena is the most animated character, played by a 40+ year old dude, portraying to be a 12 year old girl, who acts like she’s (he’s) fresh out of drama class and trying to make it to Broadway. She’s also an aspiring model, and gets her chance to pose at a modeling agency after fronting a roll of cash. Teena is clowned through the whole experience and within minutes goes from overzealous to miserable. Her whimpering must have trumpeted the Bullion calvary, because the family shows up, kidnaps the employees, and takes them to their home. There, they join the other victims at Teena’s birthday party. A couple more death’s ensue, Gramma is unveiled, and then the credits roll, accompanied by a nice little ditty.

This movie attempts to be 100% camp, from the props to the costuming to the campy one-liners. It’s too bad it never really gets past ridiculous. I’m a big fan of camp, but when it’s no longer funny, or never even makes it to funny, and just seems like really bad acting, it becomes unenjoyable. With several very known actors to the b-horror movie circuit, it’s a wonder this wasn’t a better film. I think less camp and more originality was needed to offset the common themes seen in this type of movie. Too bad it will get lumped in with films like Bloodlines and Wrong Turn 2, which don’t make the cut.

Thanks to Alex Afterman from Heretic Films for sending me a copy. I hope my honesty doesn’t hinder getting future releases. :) :( A review for Dear Pillow coming soon.