Return to House on Haunted Hill

Humor: 0
Blood/Gore: 3
Nudity: three pairs of skeets and 4 buttocks
Minutes FF’ed thru: none
Overall rating: 2

Sara, one of the original survivors of “The House,” is killed by a group of thugs who are in search of a valuable medieval statue. Her sister, Ariel, and a friend, are taken at gunpoint to the house to find the idol. A professor of archaeology/medieval religion and two of his students are also in search of the prize. The professor is double-crossed by Melissa (Cerina Vincent), who’s sided with the thug leader, Desmond, a former student.

Once inside the house, it begins to lock down and shut everyone in. The ghosts start appearing and killing the guests. Before each kill, we see flashbacks of what happened to the patients by the doctor, played by b-horror king Jeffery Combs. Body count in the first 40 minutes is 3.

Ariel manages to escape right as the doors shut, but without keys to leave, she decides to re-enter with an open invitation from the house. Each member gets plinked off by either the patients, or the doctor. The statue is found, and dropped down a hole that leads to a pipeline that expels water from the house, thus allowing the evil to be lifted and all the spirits to disappear.

I liked Cerina Vincent in Cabin Fever, but after seeing/hearing her at Texas Frightmare Weekend earlier this year, I'm convinced she’s all tits and no brain. The storyline was pretty lame with nothing really to offer. I felt like the black and white flashbacks were trying to mimic Thirteen Ghosts, and the CGI and killings were typical of direct to video b-horror. If you can’t overcome your curiosity, rent it. If you buy it, I’ll see you in my store later selling it back.