VANESSA BY SMOKESKRENE

VANESSA


VIEW EXPLICIT TRAILER ON YOUTUBE

{overall rating}-* *

{action}- Yes, involving a dressmaker, whores, a Chinese masseuse, a teenage girl, a solicitor, rice, Asian dress models, catholic school girls, 2 nuns, a whip, an invisible spirit, and a random old guy who’s name I didn’t catch.

{humor}- no

{blood}- no

{gore}- I just wanna say that this chick says “Do you believe in magic.” Is this where we should look for inspiration to create slogans?

{nudity}- A lot. Even male statue nudity.

{acting}- blah.

{plot}- They should of called it Lady Emmanuelle Chatterley.

{film quality}- This movie has some very beautiful scenery that is shot handheld and the shots almost shake. Lame.

{entertainment factor}- its aight. I guess.

{Aprox. amount of time spent fast forwarding}-20 mins.


I always know I’m going to love a movie when it starts with a theme as bad as “Bubbles” from deep throat (If you don’t know, find someone who do know.) Vanessa’s uncle, her last living relative dies, leaving her the McDonald’s of bordello chains. Quite a shock for a girl who’s spent her whole life in a convent. This movie has its moments but its just not really dry and long. It has moments that are very artsy and well done, but the camera work just never quite does anything without flaw. It’s not horrible, its just not great. File under “I wouldn’t say never.”