Silip: Daughters of Eve (1985) by K-Fleet

Warning: this review contains explicit language. Read at your own risk (of liking)!!

Humor: 2
Blood: 2
Nudity: 4
Minutes FF’ed thru: none
Overall rating: 4
Other: In Filipino/Tagalog with English subtitles
Memorable quotes:

“She’ll be fuckin around the mountain when she comes, she’ll be fuckin around the mountain when she comes...”

Starting with the opening scene of a guy knocking a buffalo in the head with an axe and then gutting it, I immediately thought of Alejandro Jodorowski, but Silip is far more straight forward and coherent. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll put Holy Mountain and El Topo against any film, but there are so many political and social undertones, that you might not get the true intention of the scenes (but will still be appalled, entertained, or both). Okay, so back to Silip.

Tonya lives amongst a village of sexual depravity and obsession, and although she's been able to resist physical advances, her mind often strays with unclean thoughts. So, she continually asks for God’s forgiveness, and encourages the younger kids to resist temptation, telling the girls that males are devils who have horns between their legs.

Selda, a former resident, returns to the village for a visit with her boyfriend, Ron. After a short stint, she seduces her (and Tonya’s) ex-beau, Simon, and is caught making out with him by his girlfriend, Mona. Mona goes berserk and tries to kill Selda, so they tie her up and continue where they left off. Tonya then wakes up Ron, who witnesses Simon boning his woman, and all hell breaks loose. In short, Ron almost gets killed, Tonya sees his weiner, and Granny sends him packing.

Pia, a coming of age girl, has been having impure thoughts and dreams about Simon, so a friend tells Tonya, and she tries to cleanse Pia by throwing hot sand on/in her crotch. The villagers believe Tonya is leading the children astray, so they try to hunt her down.

Tonya seeks refuge with Simon, and after he expresses his undying love for her, she finally gives into temptation and lets him ravage her. When Tonya sees that Pia is watching, she gets ashamed and runs away, but Pia is aroused by Simon’s nakedness, and attempts to touch his “horn.” At first, I thought kiddie porn was about to unfold, but instead, he slaps her, and she rolls down a hill and hits her head on a rock. He then attempts to dispose of the body, but one of the kids sees him, and seeks revenge. He first stabs Simon in the back, and after a short chase, the other kids join in (reminiscent of Who Can Kill a Child?) and then cut off his head.

Mona blames both murders on Tonya, and when the villagers see her and Selda together, they deem them witches and tie them up in a hut. The guardsmen take advantage of the situation and have their way, and then the villagers burn them Wicker Man style.

I really liked this movie, maybe it was because of the naked, brown skinned beauties, or maybe because of the naked, brown skinned beauties. Tonya's allure was apparent from the jump by wearing only a light dress and no panties. Mondo did good in resurrecting this forgotten gem, and it’s nice to hear the American influences in the renditions of Stand By Me, and Madonna’s Like a Virgin and Starlight. The biggest beef I had was that one of the wide-angle cameras had a spot on the lens, and a blurred splotch showed up in several scenes. Not that it really detracted from the film, but it was a little annoying since once I noticed it, I got fixated on it. Plus, the subtitles were a little inconsistent in the spelling of Tonya vs. Tonia. But, very minor things for a movie that offers a dab of blood and gore, lots of sex and nudity, and even a few dongs for the ladies. You gotta check this one out, skip renting and just buy it.

I Was a Teenage Strangler (1998) by K-Fleet

Humor: 2
Blood: 2
Nudity: 4
Minutes FF’ed thru: none
Overall rating: 2.5

William Hellfire and Factory 2000 gave Misty Mundae her start, not to mention other familiar faces on Seduction Cinema’s roster. Unearthed from the vaults is their latest, I Was a Teenage Strangler.

Looking like more of a student project than a feature film, the horrible acting, shaky camera, questionable editing and sound, and shotty dialog really shined through. But, this film isn’t a total waste of time, as it offers a nice array of nudity (full frontal) and exploitation.

Due to the incoherent storyline, I really couldn’t tell what was going on until the ending sequence. Yeah, there’s some dude in a black mask strangling people, a party with 70’s overtones, scenes of UNsimulated sex, oral sex, and masturbation, simulated pissing, dumping, and fecal consumption, a clothes hanger abortion scene, and more, but it jumped around so much that I didn't even attempt to piece it together. Oh, what young actors will do for a buck and a shot at fame.

This is Misty’s first feature, where she has a minor role as a party-goer who witnesses the aftermath of the evening’s festivities. But, with her short hair and flat chest, she almost looked like a young boy. Who knew she’d become the most popular name under SC’s canopy?

At first watch, I thought this film really sucked, outside of the gratuitous nudity, but after viewing the trailer reel and some thought, I think maybe Will’s work was merely a foreshadowing of things to come, that is, with all the rage over the snuff genre and grindhouse/exploitation movies these days. If you can deal with all the bad elements it has to offer, you may still find something appealing in his work, plus, if you have a soft spot for Misty Mundae like I do, you might just get suckered into buying them time and time again. It looks like more Hellfire releases are to come, and one thing's for sure, Big Will likes snuff, and his token choice of death is strangulation (Nude Strangler, Vampire Strangler, Masked Strangler, etc).

Amok Train by K-Fleet

Humor: 2, not funny ha ha, but funny ridiculous
Blood/Gore: 2
Nudity: 1
Minutes FF’ed thru: none, I just didn’t pay attention
Overall rating: 2
Other: Some dialog in Yugoslavian with no subtitles

Amok Train is one of Shriek Show’s latest. A little background on Media Blasters, this is a company that’s notorious for unearthing obscure cinema through it’s various labels: Shriek Show, Tokyo Shock, Kitty Media, etc. The problem is, they frequently bump street dates with no notification, shelve releases after promoting, and often choose movies so obscure that there’s little interest to drive them. Case in point, Amok Train.

A group of students go on an educational expedition to Yugoslavia, and meet with a renowned professor who delves in pagan religion (and also has pyrokinesis). He hand- picks Beverly to stay in a different cottage with him and an old witch, and while sleeping, the others’ cottage is set ablaze. While it burns, the townsfolk applaud by hitting rocks together. The students try to escape by catching a train, but two are left behind, and one got charred in the fire. The train comes to a halting stop because of a fire on the tracks, and after a shadowy figure appears (the professor), the train becomes possessed and starts killing everyone on it. Death toll in one, two-minute scene, is three. The train charges full-steam ahead and doesn’t stop for anything or anyone.

Apparently, Beverly has the mark of the devil (a birthmark) and because of her (and the train), everyone is dying. The train continues to run ramped, take lives, and only stops when it reaches it’s destination, the original village they started at. A ceremony is then held for Satan’s virgin bride (Bev), but when the old witch feels her up, it’s found that she’s not a virgin after all. This puts a big kink in the festivities and the professor and witch die (more horrible effects), allowing Bev to put it that all behind her and board a plane home.

The story and dialog became so ridiculous that I stopped listening, started reading the latest issue of Fangoria, and just watched when something caught my attention. The gore FX were less than stellar, and seemed like a very bad ode to Lucio Fulci. Not to mention the lameness of the characters: some dude mimicking playing a flute, the perverted witch, the rock-pounding people, the token black guy, who’s one of the first to be offed, and the switchblade-wielding bad girl.

And, what can be lamer than a possessed train? There’s only one scene that was even close to cool, and that was when a guy got ran over by the train, and the bumper-guard, if that’s what it’s called, drug his head. Otherwise, it’s just late 80’s horror gone bad, and another crappy release from Shriek Show, who have been unable to release anything noteworthy in last year, and need to stick to their cheap three-pack reissues. Plus, Kitty Media needs to get off their ass and release Behind Convent Walls or Nuns of St, Archangel to follow their nunsploitation series, Convent of Sinners and Images in a Convent.

There’s much better obscure cinema to watch, so checkout releases from BCI, or anything from Ryko Distribution, home of Blue Underground, Severin, Synapse, etc.

Them (aka Ils) by K-Fleet

Humor: 1
Blood: 2
Nudity: none
Minutes FF’ed thru: none
Overall rating: 2.5, based on a few choice scenes
Other: In French and Romanian with English subtitles.

Every since I saw the trailer several months ago, I highly anticipated seeing Dark Sky’s latest, Them. Lucky for me, it was the first to be shipped from Netflix on new release day.

The beginning started as many horror movies have, two people (a mother and daughter in this case) are traveling home at night, and something runs across the road, so they swerve and wreck their car by hitting a pole. Sounds familiar, huh? So, Mom gets out to check the engine, pops the hood, and disappears. Daughter gets out to find mom gone, is frightened by the sounds she hears, and gets back into the car (van, technically). She tries to call the police, but is put on hold, and while waiting, is terrorized by someone (or something) outside. She is then strangled by someone hiding in the back seat. All too familiar, I know.

Clementine, a teacher, receives a prank call, but doesn’t think much of it. She goes to bed, but is woken up in the middle of the night by disturbing noises. She then wakes her boyfriend, Lucas, who goes out to investigate. They see that someone has moved her car, and when Lucas tries to approach it, they drive off, only to return later to terrorize them.

First, their power is shut off, and flashlights are shined through the windows. The lights are then turned back on, and a game of cat and mouse ensues. Clem and Luke both get hurt, and in an attempt to flee, Clem tries to find a way out through the attic. What's scarier than someone chasing you through a room full of hanging drop cloths? Maybe a room full of mirrors, but the oodles of dangling plastic alone (and what might be hiding behind them) would make most shit their pants! The hoodie-wearing assailant finds her, but she fights him, and pushes him off a ledge, causing him to fall to his death.

Another one of “them,” sees his fallen soldier, and goes in a rage, chasing the couple out of the house and into the nearby woods. Clem makes it over a property fence and runs to find help, but Lucas’s leg is too banged up, so he’s left to hide (or left for dead).

She stumbles upon her car, and tries to flee, but is caught and taken to the tunnels. Lucas hears her screams and follows. He finds Clem held down by one of the guys, so he knocks him out, and a spectating younger boy offers to help them get away. As they climb the ladder to an upper level, the boy knocks Lucas off. Clem continues to make her way through the maze, and rushes toward a lit opening, but damn the luck, it's blocked off by metal bars and she’s caught again. The movie goes onto say that the police found the bodies of Lucas and Clem, and caught the murderers who were between the ages of 10 and 15.

This was quite a bit different than what I thought. Granted, I hadn’t done a lot of research, but did watch the trailer (as mentioned), and since Dark Sky usually has good movies, my expectations were high. I must say, aside from the drop cloth scene, and wanting to see the kid get his head bashed in by Clem with the big rock, which didn’t happen, I was utterly disappointed. I’m sure part of the allure is in not knowing why the kids were so demented, but I felt ripped off in not knowing, and the “They wouldn’t play (with us)” spiel just didn’t suffice. A much better movie of terroristic children is Children of the Corn or Who Can Kill a Child?.

I still have high hopes for Dark Sky, though, and Ricco the Mean Machine is patiently awaiting it’s turn.

Deadly End (aka Neighborhood Watch) by K-Fleet

Humor: 2
Blood/Guts: 2
Nudity: 1
Minutes FF’ed thru: none
Overall rating: 3

Bob and his wife, Wendi, move to a quaint little town so he can start his new job at ZeeCor. Within the first few days, they find out that their neighbors are less than normal, as the lady across the street crashes her car into their yard, and when her husband comes to rescue, they act as if they’re deaf when spoken to. Then, another neighbor, Adrian, leaves welcoming gifts. First, are flowers that have poison oak in them, which causes Wendi to have a massive break out on her face, and then chocolates, which make their stomachs upset and asses explode. In his last attempt, he brings them tainted grape preserves, but they're denied, as the couple is now onto his antics.

Adrian has been watching and taping the couple’s sexual exploits, and in anger of not accepting his last gift, he goes home, turns on an audio taping of the sexcapades, and fingers a cut on his stomach while jabbing a syringe in his crotch.

He is later caught red-handed in the couple’s house tainting their food, but when the police are called, all he gets is a slap on the hand, since he's kin to the late mayor of the town. He then pumps poison into their water line and they get sick again. When they go to the doctor, they find out that Wendi is pregnant, but Adrian continues to pump poison into the water line and they become sicker.

While at their lowest point, Adrian kidnaps Wendi and takes her to his house to “take all the bad things out down there.” He gets her on the operating table, opens her up, and starts feeling around, but when she wakes up and starts screaming, he pumps her full of drugs and goes to do some more surgery on himself.

Adrian also has it out for the deaf couple, Judd and Mary, and aids in killing her by short circuiting their power, which causes her life support machine to fail. So, Judd goes over to Adrian’s house, and while he’s doing his surgery, he pulls out his intestines. The victor: the hearing impaired.

Bob, Wendi, and the baby end up being okay, minus one spleen, and the couple packs up and moves on.

This was a pretty good movie with decent effects. Nothing earth-shattering, but worth a watch for fans of b-horror, or those who like stories of insane neighbors, which we can all relate to. One of the most comedic scenes is the aftermath of Bob’s anal explosion: a crap trail leading into his stall, his pants soiled, his exhaustion and agony, and a co-worker who witnesses it all. Not that I have a fecal fetish or would wish deathly diarrhea on anyone, but fart and poop gags done right are entertaining.

All Hallows' Eve by K-Fleet

Humor: 2
Blood: 3
Nudity: 3
Minutes FF’ed thru: none
Overall rating: 3

Much like Tales From the Crypt and Creepshow, All Hallows’ Eve showcases a trilogy of terror.

A group of friends get together on Halloween night to tell scary stories. The first story is about Tom and Ann who are celebrating their anniversary. During the gift exchange, Tom gets clip-on ties, and Ann gets a rifle to match his, so they can go hunting together. Rather than spending the day with Ann, Tom wakes up early and takes off to the woods. Over the radio, he hears about an escape killer, who just so happens to show up in the same woods as him. He’s stalked and terrorized, but manages to escape fairly unscathed. On the way home, he hears that the killer was caught at the airport, so who was in the woods shooting at him?

The next story is about a guy named Michael and his insecure girlfriend, Molly. She shows up at his house, hears the voice of another woman from outside, and walks back to her car saddened and angry. Mike makes a run to the store while his company takes a shower, so Molly enters the house, stabs the hell out the girl, who manages to dial the police before she drops the phone, and then cleans up her mess. Mike comes home and is happy to see Molly waiting, but eagerly wants her to meet his sister, Suzi, who’s come to stay with him for a few days. The cops then come a knockin, but ain’t noone answering.

The third story is about Bloody Mary. While cheating on his girlfriend, Wayne is bitten on the neck. Kinky sex, maybe, but blood is drawn, so he goes home and gets bandaged up. Unable to sleep, Wayne somewhat confesses what happened, and when Peggy sees the bite, she tells him the story of Mary and her sister, which her grandfather told many times. Convinced that she’s the culprit, she prepares the fight to keep her man. Wayne is drawn back to the fanged seductress, but before she can bite him again, Peggy drives a stake through her back (heart-side no less). Back at home, Peggy reassures Wayne that things will be okay, but when they begin making out, her true identity is revealed.

Blood, sex, nudity, chick-power, and blood-sucking freaks is what All Hallows’ Eve has to offer. Sure, there's some questionable acting, and the twists are fairly predictable, but overall, it's a pretty decent feature. Thanks to Angelika for sending a screener, and I look forward to more from Sparks Entertainment.

The Caretaker by K-Fleet

Humor: 3
Blood: 2
Nudity: 2
Minutes FF’ed thru: none
Overall rating: 3.5
Memorable quotes:
“Derrik, look, boob-o-lanterns.”

Instead of going to the Halloween dance, Topher, Snail, and Ricky take the ladies (Ella, Chloe, and Sonya) to an abandoned house where The Caretaker once lived. They tell the story of an obsessively jealous man, who locked up his wife, and after she birthed their child, he killed her. An innocent plan to scare the girls goes awry, when they find their limo driver dead, stumble upon another dead dude in the house, and then they start getting plinked off one by one.

Miss Perry (Jennifer Tilly), a teacher from the school, shows up and further confirms the truth of the story, but has her own agenda and tries to seduce Topher, who gets whacked before she can finish.

One by one, they meet the wrath of The Caretaker’s weapon, a metal fruit picker. The only one left standing is Ella, the new girl in town, who's picked up by her father (Judd Nelson), but what becomes of The Caretaker?

Hot chicks, a little nudity, a maniac killer, and Jennifer Tilly and her cleavage, need I say more? Although the kills were pretty lame, and the murder weapon even lamer (but original), this was a decent movie. It’s one that appeals to a wide audience, zoning in on the teen horror fan (although it has an R-rating), as the blood and gore are fairly tame, the storyline is relatable (teen stereotypes and antics), and it’s packed with good looking young actors. But, me being the analytical movie watcher I am, I didn’t quite understand The Caretaker’s motivation to kill, was he just a psychopath who couldn’t control his obsession, or simply just the bad grapefruit of the bunch?

It’s a film I’ll definitely watch again, and maybe another viewing will bring more to light. I would've liked to have seen some special features offered, maybe an interview with Jenn and Judd or some outtakes, and also a chapter selection, but outside of the language selections, this was a bare-bones DVD.

Thanks to Jackie for sending the promo, I look forward to many more releases from Turkey Ranch Productions.

The Rage (2007) by K-Fleet

Humor: 2, laughable, but not in a good way
Blood: 2, but could have been a 3, had there been less CGI
Nudity: 1
Minutes FF’ed thru: none
Overall rating: 2

From the creator of From Dusk Till Dawn and director of Wishmaster and Buried Alive (see my review) comes The Rage.

A mad scientist’s “rage” injection backfires when his latest specimen breaks free, kills him, then flees. After his third kill, he collapses, and vultures swarm to eat the carcass, thus ingesting the virus and infecting everyone they come in contact with.

A Winnebago full of friends encounter the birds, and the fight for their life begins. They stumble upon the mad scientist’s lab, and find out that he’s not dead, but is even more adamant on continuing his experiment.

What results is a horribly executed movie with a few decent gore scenes, and CGI birds that are straight bogus. The only plus of this feature was the presence of Erin Brown (aka Misty Mundae) who carries a lead role, but unfortunately, keeps her clothes on in this one. It’s not that she can’t act, but maybe another boob or two would have made me feel less guilty for wasting an hour and a half watching this.

So, if you want to see Erin how you always have, naked and naive, rent Chantal or Sick Girl, and then buy the newly re-edited 2-disc version of Vampire Strangler, which shows a much younger Misty, but has her only hardcore scenes to date.

ActionGirls: Soldiers Of The Dead Part 1 by K-Fleet

WARNING: This movie contains explicit content and is intended for mature audiences only!! Watch at your own risk (of liking).

Humor: 2
Blood: 3
Nudity: 4
Minutes FF’ed thru: about 5 minutes, chase scenes got kind of redundant
Overall rating: 3.5

In the same vein as Ilsa the Wicked Warden, this film follows a similar formula, but offers lots of hot, ass-kicking women, who proudly show their own.

Helman Himmler is the leader of the new Nazi regime and has a soft spot for hot, naked women, but what straight man doesn’t? Problem is, his right-hand woman, a leather-clad blonde named Adriana, doesn’t appreciate his wandering eyes.

While ransacking the prison, Adriana stumbles across a formula which will reanimate the dead as superhumans. She injects one of the male prisoners, and after a series of convulsions, he breaks free from his chains and beats the shit out of a female inmate. She then trades three captives for a truckload of dead bodies and starts to build her army.

Enter, Susanna and Emily, two badass gun-toting mamma jammas who battle Adriana’s rage-infested soldiers and don’t even seem to break a sweat.

So, what does this film really have to offer? Action-yes, girls-yes, soldiers of the dead-sorta, but with naked gladiator fights, scantly clad women delving out ass-beatings, and a little blood and gore to top it off, it’s sure to satisfy any fan of the genre. Plus, it’s nice to see a new generation of Nazisploitation movies emerge. Since this is Part 1, and the ending leaves you hanging, the next installment is sure to come. Thanks to Scotty for sending me a copy, and I really forward to the follow-up.

If you’re interested in more movies of this genre, Wild Eye pictures will offer their vision later this year with Blitzkrieg: Escape from Stalag 69.

New York City Horror Film Festival by K-Fleet

Humor: 3
Blood: 2
Nudity: 2
Minutes FF’ed thru: none
Overall rating: 3

This is a compilation of independent horror shorts featured at the festivals.

Plasticity 1.7- after losing her legs in a car-wreck, a chick takes revenge on the other driver by making him into a machine.

Cup-O-Abomonations- an animated short portraying part of the Book of Revelation.

Entrapped- a dude gets locked up and tortured for screwing a cop’s wife.

Non-Abductees Anonymous- abductee-challenged individuals form a support group to cope with grief of not being taken by aliens.

Slasher Flick- while watching a horror marathon at work, a dude is stalked by a knife-wielding killer.

Tomorrow’s Bacon- a fighting couple stop at a diner and when they leave, there’s a knife missing.

Subway- a chick misses her train and is attacked by a stranger, but who (or what) has the last say?

Scream For Me- a guy strangles a stripper, but a heartbroken fan of hers busts in and gets his revenge.

Stand out features are:
Slasher Flick, it’s great when you can poke fun at your own movie, Subway is in the vein of Species, and Scream For Me I’d seen at a convention last year, and it left lasting images in my head, definitely worth a watch if you can stomach the ending.

This is one of the better horror compilations I’ve seen. If you’re interested in more work by Christopher Alan Broadstone, check out his DVD, 3 Dead Girls, which has Scream For Me, My Skin, and Human No More, or you can pick up Visions of Horror on Amazon for under 10 bucks and get 2 out of the 3.

Flogging Margaret by K-Fleet

Humor: 2

Blood: none, it’s a comedy

Nudity: none

Minutes FF’ed thru: none

Overall rating: 3

Friends Jimbo (Chainsaw) and Keith run an investigation business for catching cheating spouses. One day, they run into Joey, Keith’s gay friend, and meet him at Woody’s nightclub later that evening. There, Keith meets Chloe, the owner, and there's an instant attraction. Jim ends up hooking up with Ursula and Helga and has a wild night of S&M.

Keith and Chloe go on a date and hit it off. Margaret, Keith’s ex-girlfriend, pops into the picture and makes attempts to win him back. As Keith and Chloe start getting serious, Margaret continues to weasel her way in. To make him jealous, she sleeps with Jimbo, and then catches him at a weak moment and kisses him in front of Chloe.

After making amends with Chloe, Keith pretends to want Margaret back, and they attend relationship counseling. Keith then flees, and leaves Margaret in the hands of bondage queens Helga and Ursula.

This wasn’t a bad movie, but nothing really new either. Chloe and Chainsaw’s acting was good, but Keith and Joey seemed forced. Plus, Chloe was nice to look at, and Chainsaw’s antics were pretty humorous. It’s worth a watch, but probably not something you’d revisit soon after. For a better romantic comedy, see my review for Shanghai Kiss.

Mr. Untouchable by K-Fleet

Humor: 2
Blood: photos of murders
Nudity: 1, topless chick in a photo
Minutes FF’ed thru: none
Overall rating: 4
Memorable quotes:

Barnes: “Hey Nick, you broken the Golden Rule. And I say, what good is a rule if the rule ain’t a jewel that’s fit for the crown of the king, if you goin take the rule and just use it to make bling and you goin say fuck the king, then the king goin sing.”

Nicky Barnes aka Mr. Untouchable was one of the most notorious drug lords in upstate New York in the 70’s. He went from a user to a kingpin, taking whatever he wanted by any means necessary. After years of growing and grooming his empire, and beating several cases, which is what labeled him Mr. Untouchable, he was caught and sentenced to life in prison. From the inside, he continued to run his organization, but with incompetent leaders, things started going bad. The final straw is when one of his boys started messing with his girl, so he decided the best revenge was to snitch and take the empire down. This resulted in 75 felony cases and after 21 years in prison, he was released under witness protection. He did have feelings of guilt for breaking the street code, but it was more about his family’s disrespect, and their failure to recognize their place, where they came from, and how they got there.

This was a pretty good documentary told through the narration of Barnes and people in the inner circle. If you like gangster docs, check out Gangster King: Raymond Lee Washington and Gang War: Bangin’ in Little Rock.

Bikini Bloodbath by K-Fleet

Humor: 3
Blood: 1
Nudity: 3
Minutes FF’ed thru: none
Overall rating: 3

I waited what seems like forever to get this from Netflix as it stayed on “long wait” since I added it to my queue about a month and a half ago. So, my curiosity was evoked even more as to what the mass-want for this title was all about.

Within the first 15 minutes, three different people get whacked with a cleaver by the mad chef. No explanation on why he’s killing, maybe he's disgruntled for losing a battle against Iron Chef Mario Batali, or maybe even Cat Cora, which would send me on a splatter rampage too. Anyway, so he takes out anyone in shis path and shows no favorites in doing so.

A high school girl’s parents go out of town, so she invites her female friends over for a party where drinking, dancing, Twister, and hot-tubbing are the choice events. On the other side of town, the football players are also having a party where booze, smores, poker, grab-ass, and faggoty antics are the choice activities. Two of them decide to see what the ladies are up to, so after a short jaunt, they join them in the jacuzzi.

To make a long story short (although the film clocks in a mere one hour), the killer chef makes his way to the house, kills a few, and then gets killed with a rake by the hostess. Kind of reminds me of a song, “It’s my party and I’ll kill if I want to, kill if I want too, kill if I want too, you would kill too if it happened to you.”

B-horror queen, Debbie Rochon, has a small part as a lesbo teacher, but has packed on a few pounds, and has less than convincing screams than in her Troma days.

Camp, yes, bikini and underwear-clad ladies, YES, boobs, yes, lame kills and gore effects, yes, bloodbath, NO. Even though this flick doesn't live up to it's title, it is one I’d watch again, and recommend to fans of camp. There were several chuckleable parts, and pretty hot babes who had no problem baring their assets. So, if you watch this and like, you can look forward to Bikini Bloodbath 2: Car Wash and BB3: Christmas, which are finished and may be available later this year.

Storm Warning (2007) by K-Fleet

Humor: 2
Blood/Guts: 3
Nudity: 1, a bare butt
Minutes FF’ed thru: none
Overall rating: 3.5

If you read my reviews, you know my feelings about Dimension Extreme, and if you don’t read them, then you’re missing out. :)

In Storm Warning, a couple take a fishing boat out, but after a short time on the water, they notice a storm rolling in and get lost trying to make it back. They dock the boat in a drainage area and go ashore to find help. The first house they come to belongs to a father and his two sons, a backwoods family who are growing massive amount of marijuana.

The family comes home, questions the couple, and starts terrorizing them. They are then put in the shed, and seeing an opportunity to make a break for it, they do, but are caught and brought back. The guy gets banged up pretty good, and while the brothers attempt to have their way with his lady, the abusive father is woken up and joins the festivities. He smacks his sons around, and they go back in the house to drink and watch TV. While waiting for them to return, the chick turns into MacGyver and makes a booby trap out of fishing gear. Hearing a commotion, the younger brother investigates, and gets strung up and killed. A far-fetched scene, but you gotta love the head-bashing.

Brother #1 comes out and takes the lady into the house to spend some quality time with Poppy, but the experience is less than pleasurable as he gets his member torn up by a contraption she inserted into herself. A second break for it is made, and is successful, as Poppy gets mangled by his own dog, and the son’s hovercraft idea goes bad.

Like the Wrong Turns, Hills Have Eyes, and Wolfcreek, this feature follows a similar formula about life in the bush, but does bring it’s own twist. There are several scenes where I knew what would follow, but the effects were good and fairly pleasing to watch. For good measure, the director throws in a scene where the family watches barnyard porn, just to clarify how “out there” they are. I liked this movie, and any fan of backwoods horror should be pleased after watching. Sure, there are those “no friggin way scenes,” but overall, it’s a good movie and definitely worth a second watch, unlike Wrong Turn 2, which deserves all the bashing I gave it plus more. Storm Warning hails from Australia, which is where my twin brother lives, so go A-U!

Good job, Dimension, I hope this momentum carries through Nightmare Detective out Feb. 19th.

Better Living Through Killing by K-Fleet

Humor: 2
Blood: 3
Nudity: 3
Minutes FF’ed thru: none
Overall rating: 3

Brothers Otis and Welford own Grass Monkey Lawn Service and really seem to hate their job and demeaning clientele. Their mass consumption of beer, and fondness of boobs, get them through the day. After finishing a job, Otis overhears a customer bashing them to her friend, so in return, he bashes her head in. Before leaving the scene, Welford takes an owl decoy from the yard as a consolation prize, later naming it Professor Bonaparte. Bonaparte not only talks, but under his demented tutelage, they start killing and robbing their other clients.

The local sheriff knows there's a connection, and keeps a close eye on them, but can't seem to prove anything yet. So, they continue to take lives, desecrate property, and have a run-in with a black superchick, who uses her special powers (her monsterous boobs) to deter them. While Otis is getting smothered in a boob-sandwich (yeah, a great way to go), Welford bashes her brains in with a branch. They also lend a hand in helping their pizza delivery guy get rid of his most annoying and demanding customer, by making a pizza out of him.

In the end, the sheriff takes Bonaparte hostage and finally catches them, but rather than taking them in, he confesses his fanship of their work, and they drink a cold one together.

This film has plenty of boobs, blood, and guts to please the average gorehound, with a notable scene using a garden hose retriever to round up a dude’s intestines, but the stretched humor is a big downfall. I chuckled a few of times, but most of it was unfunny one-liners or situational humor and the typical pissing/pooping/farting gags used to evoke laughter. On a technical note, the filming was steady (no shaky cameras as seen in other low-budget movies) and the picture had very vibrant colors. It’s a movie I would watch again, and maybe after a few beers would find more humorous, but if you aren't a fan of Troma, then you probably won't like it, as it really caters to that style of comedic-horror. But, it looks like it was a lot of fun to make, and I look forward to more Cafe Death productions.